Prose from my Past: A Collection

 The following is a collection of prose that was written around 18 years ago when I was 16 years old. 

These pieces were written when I was sixteen years old. I have preserved them largely as they were originally written, complete with all the intensity, certainty, confusion, heartbreak, hope, and dramatic flair that often comes with being sixteen. They remain a snapshot of who I was, what I felt, and how I tried to make sense of the world at the time.

January's 16 angst

Crushed

Love

is everything

That just fades

Away.

Promise

Un-kept

your promise

TO me of anyone.

I knew you lied again.

Abandon

The lost kitten,

It finds it's home.

A female dog

Blocks the door.

Frightened she runs

The owner

Instead of hurting,

He pets the dog.

Wrists

Does the blood,

Mean anything?

Birds

Our happiness,

Flying birds

Sometimes

We have to shoot them,

Only before

Somebody else does.

I shot all mine.

Perhaps I'll get some more.

February's 16 angst

Liar

Sometimes I feel,

you're lying ,

To me.

Wait

Here.

 I wait,

I wait

Forever.--

Dead

Darker shadow.

 Blood rich life.

Now Plain

Sorrow.

Cube

He is

SIX faced.

Not good at all.

A Demon.

Flowers

Flowers,

on a grave

means nothing

unless you care.

Love Song

She means the world

to every eyes.

She means the world,

For you she cries.

You are her all,

left all alone.

Given the chance she'll take you home.

Love you forever

this is true.

She'll stand forever,

right by you.

And every little thing she tries.

Is the big mistake in her eyes.

All she sees is all her flaws.

Looks to you and then she falls.

You are her favorite love song.

You're so perfect it's all she sees.

Now she's begging to you on knees. 

Love me forever

let me be

all that you ever

Really need.

You are her favorite love song.

You mean the world to her eyes

It doesn't matter how hard she tries.

She cries

When she hears

Her favorite love song...

June's 16 angst

Note to Self

Let me tell you.

If I was a prep,

you'd be my cellular phone.

If I was a dog,

you'd be my bone.

If I could just jump into the abyss.

I know I'd find you.

I want you back...

P.S

I miss the Hell our of you.

Dry

As the rain pours

my soul is dry.

Although all the moisture

my life is dehydrated.

I am only a half

I yearn to be whole.

Tears drown this sorrow,

Water engulfs my loneliness.

I am not dead.

Despite the water.

I am bone dry.

Escape

Use your head,

it's possibly your only Chance.

Life

Everything

we let it be.

I Am

I'll make it

and you'll be sorry

because I'll become

Everything you

never thought I could be.

You'll wish you never let go.

Popular

Miss have it all.

I can't wait.

To see the day.

You Realize.

Everyone. Hates. You.

"Friends" behind closed doors say it.

You'll be dropped like the shit you are.

Solitude

Fear in the dark

I'm all alone.

He's note here anymore.

I'm going down

but I am stronger now.

Even in my solitude.

I'm getting up.

You cannot take me out.

You cannot bring me down.

I'll push you to the ground.

I can't wait now,

Get out of my face.

Even in solitude

I will never crawl to you.

I still hate you.

Poser!

Gorgeous

I admire you.

You are one of my most treasured,

and most special possessions.

I miss you every minute,

every second you're gone.

I'd cry if  wasn't surrounded.

Surrounded by these people.

The ones who don't get us.

I feel alone, but they see me.

I'd cry because I miss you.

My reputation won't let me.

I miss you Gorgeous.

Symphonie

He doesn't know

He's my Symphonie

My Symphonie makes me feel. 

I feel perfect when I hear him.

I'm sad I cannot see.

See how he is written.

I want to know everything.

If my Symphonie was only on paper. 

I would read him everyday.

I want to hear my Symphonie.

At least once more.

Visions

I can see our last dance.

As we are entwined in the dim light.

I hear silence.

We are over.

I know you want one last dance.

Let's hold each other before the silence.

Beyond our indifference,

Is where we began.

Only for our end.

Butterfly

Freedom of life

Yet barred.

Unable to be

The colour of Choice.

Can't

Canceled hope,

Allow this chance?

Never able to be, just...

Test yourself.

Fear

Knowing the limits,

Staying in bounds.

Never trying?

All for fear.

Jump into it.

Just Live.

Finished

Is it what we fight to find?

In the end it's left behind.

    I don't think you care.

My life is nothing,

Unless you're there.

Why'd you Fuck off?

Stay...._____________.Please...

Are we finished?

Introspection

Tie me in these ropes.

Make me remember.

    When I am dead,

We will run together.

I'll smile for you.

In the end.

If I did it

Would you cry?

Resent me?

Even give a shit?

What would it be like.

To not be here?

Perhaps we should find out.

Sarcasm.

Stick it to me.

July's 16 angst

Holy

Shinning,

On this Pedestal

You put me here.

I'm your shiny star.

the glisten,

in a clear pool.

But you.

You always remain.

Holy.

As Heaven's Star.

You are.

Holy.

That's why I remain.

Here.

Better is one day

I want to dwell,

only with you.

Just for one day.

Your presence

is 

Everything.

I'd give up

anything

to be with you.

Only you

your grace,

your love.

It keeps me.

You saved me 

more than once.

you spirit is water to my soul

you've drawn me in.