The Saints, The Angels, and the Stars

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I could sit down with the younger versions of myself. Not to change anything, not to warn them, just to listen.

To have some conversations across time and better understand who they were and maybe who I am meant to be. Perhaps even discover why I am the way I am in those weird little ways that drive me nuts.

I know there are many versions of me, and lately I am thinking about three in particular.
The little girl staring out windows at the night sky.
The teenager trying to make sense of experiences she could not explain.
The adult woman who still carries some of those questions.

I think all three would have very different answers about who they believed they were.
Yet somehow they are all the same person.

Lately I have found myself thinking about one thread that has followed me through every stage of my life. It is not a certainty, it is more of a mystery.

When I was a little girl I spent a lot of time looking at the night sky.

As a child I was fascinated by Orion. I did not know much about astronomy. I did not know much about theology. All I knew is that I loved wishing on stars and if some could grant wishes than many of them must be listening.

Orion was my favourite; all I knew is he was a warrior and a hunter who wore a belt made up of three stars. When I looked up I saw that shining belt and an archer written in the stars. His elbow held high drawing his bow back with a powerful stance. He was sure and steady.

I was drawn to Orion and would just talk to him in the silence. "Oh Archer." I would whisper through the window pane. 

At the time I genuinely believed Orion carried a bow and arrow.

Years later I learned that traditional depictions often show Orion carrying a club and shield instead. Yet artistic traditions have imagined Orion as an archer, this makes me smile. Perhaps my younger self was not entirely alone in what she saw.

Although I do wonder if he ignored by wishes or evening chats because I didn't talk to him properly. 

Not that my conversations with Orion were anything special, they were just the ramblings of a little girl. Sometimes small little hopes and dreams that were just starting to take shape, wishing that her daddy would have a good day at work tomorrow or that mom would bake some cookies. Wishing that perhaps fun would appear during the next day so she had something to share with her archer the next time they talked. That maybe someday she could shoot an arrow as perfectly as the archer she saw Orion as. 

Her Archer was protective and strong, and he listened to her words even when she felt so small. 

For me, what matters now is not whether Orion was an archer. 

What matters is that I was a child looking for something larger than myself.

Someone to talk to, someone willing to listen to the words of a little girl.

I just happened to choose a warrior in the night sky and still to this day I thank him for being with me. 

Although before I knew it I would have another warrior come into my life. 

The Gift in the Living Room

When I was around sixteen years old, something happened that I still cannot explain.
I was sitting alone in my sister's living room playing on my laptop. There was nobody else around.
They had gone to the grocery store and I was alone in the quiet. No dramatic moment it was just an ordinary day.

Something struck me in the face before falling into my lap. I remember picking it up confused to find that it was a pendant. Not a necklace. Just the pendant itself a small grey pendant the size of my thumbprint.

One side depicted Archangel Michael slaying a demon beneath his feet.
The other depicted a guardian angel watching over two children.

To this day, I do not know where it came from, most people do not believe me when I tell them why I wear this pendant.

Honestly, I understand why.
If someone told me a pendant simply appeared from nowhere and hit them in the face, I would probably have questions too. I can only tell the story as I experienced it.

I didn't spend long investigating. I didn't launch a search, not much I could search for; I was sitting in the middle of the living room carpet there was nowhere for it to fall from and my family was not religious. I asked my sister's family when they returned home and no one recognized the pendant. 

I didn't try to become an expert on angelic apparitions.
I simply bought a chain and wore it. At sixteen years old, that seemed like the obvious thing to do.

I did learn a bit about Saint Michael, the Archangel after acquiring the pendant. It was enough for sixteen year old me to know he was the leader of God's armies against the forces of evil. I did wonder why this pendant came to me but I didn't deny the gift. 

Having something that might protect me if I needed it was enough. 

A Curious Piece of History:

Years later, curiosity got the better of me.

I began researching whether there were stories of Archangel Michael gifting physical objects to people.

I discovered that while mainstream Christian traditions do not record Michael handing out pendants, there is an Italian folk legend known as the Bell of San Michele.

In the story, Michael gives a shepherd boy a small bell which serves as both protection and guidance.

I also learned that Saint Michael medals have a long history connected to pilgrims, soldiers, police, travelers, and people seeking protection.

All of that is very interesting but these are things younger me would not have needed at the time of finding the pendant. Finding more meaning and understanding is what the version of myself needs today. Maybe in some ways Archangel Michael has always been with me, simply showing up in forms I could understood at different stages of my life. 

Through the stars and through a quiet pendant. 

 I still have the pendant. It is small, about the size of my thumbnail.

The Saint Michael side is worn smooth in places from years of handling and wear.
The guardian angel side shows two children beneath the watchful presence of an angel.

Eventually I became afraid of losing it so I tucked it away in a jewelry box for many years.
Recently, however, I felt strangely compelled to wear it again.

I cannot explain that either. Perhaps I was looking for an anchor. Perhaps I simply wanted to reconnect with a younger version of myself. Perhaps it was something else entirely. Maybe I need it for something that has yet to come into my life.

Over the years I have often wondered what role Michael plays in this story.
I do not consider myself particularly religious. Still, I have spoken to Michael since the day his pendant entered my life.

Then again I have also talked to the moon and the stars on occasion.
Sometimes those conversations sounded suspiciously similar.

What I have landed on is this: The story is not really about Michael or God for that matter.

The story is about a girl who experienced things she could not explain and spent a lifetime trying to understand what they meant.
Maybe these experiences reveal something about how human beings search for meaning.
I honestly do not know.

What I do know is that the mystery became part of my story.
Not the whole story, just a chapter.
A thread.

A presence at the edge of the forest path. Watching. Protecting. Possibly there. Possibly imagined. And somehow, after all these years, I find that uncertainty more interesting than certainty ever could be.

I don't know if a saint, an angel, coincidence, or something I still can't explain placed that pendant in my path. What I do know is that I have carried it for most of my life. Whatever happened that day, it became part of who I am.

As a little girl, I talked to an Archer shining in starlight.
As a teenager, a Saint Michael pendant fell into my life and I quietly heeded Michael's protection.

As an adult, when I feel unanchored, I find myself reaching for the same piece of metal.

Maybe protection doesn't always arrive in the form we expect.
Maybe it arrives in the form we'll actually recognize.

Maybe Michael saved me.
Maybe Michael helped me save myself.
Maybe those are the same thing.
I don't know.

What I do know is that a small pendant has traveled with me for most of my life, and I am still listening for what it might have to teach me.
The experiences of my younger selves, those are real to me.

You do not have to understand every mystery you encounter.
Sometimes it is enough to acknowledge that it changed you.
And to keep walking.

-With curiosity, S